confusion

i;ve gotten confused with my writing lately. part of it is that i've lost some of my focus. but more than that, i feel as if i've got too much instruction in a way. my instinct for writing is gone, at least for now. i hope it comes back because i'm lost without it. i stumble around, trying one phrase after another, or sit in front of my computer wondering where the story is, and why i can't seem to find it and write about it.

it's alarming, really. and it's happened with my fiction work, too. i no longer feel like i know how to tell a tale. am i giving too much emotional reacitona bout my chaacter? is he philosophizing too much? am i firmly enough in his perspective, or am i floating somehwere above his head?

it's disconcerting. i hope it's a sign that i'm getting better as a writer, ut i'm not so sure. as long as i felt that my writing was bad, i felt that i was improving. but now, i just simply don't know. my judgement has vanished. i'm thrusting around with my pen, hoping somehow i'll manage to hit the paper and make my mark.

my new hobby

i'm not sure how it happened, but i've been getting into sports lately. it started out with a 49er game ryan and i went to last fall. at first i was very skeptical. i went because the tickets were free (though it turned out we had to pay $25 for parking!!!). i sat down with my free beer (provided by ryan's work, another incentive), arms crossed, a deliberately bored expression on my face. gradually, the game got into my skin. i started caring about what happened. and that was the beginning, and the end of it.
this weekend, i watched the nba all star game. and, well, i liked it. ahem.
but the point of my post is actually that destiny's child is simply amazing. during the all star game they sang the national anthem which, as anyone who has sung it knows, is incredibly challenging. it's got an extreme range and a good deal of notes to hold. but they sang it simply flawlessly, each note perfectly in tune, synchronized as if they were singing from one voice.
amazing.

writing binge

i knocked out almost four chapter in the last two days. maybe it's because i'm procrastinating my school work, but writing fiction has just come so easily for me recently. sure, it's a rough draft. sure, it's still got hours and hours to go before they are even close to being finished. but hey, they're written, sketched out, which is much more than i can say for some of my other projects.

including the durn 2,500-word article i'm suppose to have for school by next tuesday!!