my darlings

"I cannot stress this enough," my professor said. Thin and wirey, with a crest of wild grey hair, she could command our attention with a lifted eyebrow or a narrow-eyed glance. "This is the most important thing you will ever learn." She dropped her voice low.

We leaned in close. This, The Secret of Writing, was what we were all here to learn.

"You must be ruthless and 'murder your darlings.'" She'd said the last words so deliciously, as if savoring every syllable, then peeled her lips back into a grin.

I thought she was crazy then. Now I'm beginning to realize how right she was. Her words aren't unique - she was quoting some famous author. Since that time I've come across those words again. When writing, we become so in love with our prose, a well crafted scene or a clever turn of words, that we fail to stay true to the bigger picture of the story. I've caught myself doing this over and over again as I rewrite my novel. I frequently find myself hemming and hawing - but, but, I love this scene, where the character does this, and it's just perfect! Then I realize it breaks the pace, it doesn't quite fit, the character's actions don't really make sense in the greater scheme of things.

I can't quite get myself to delete it, so I cheat. I make a copy of it and stick it in a folder. I can always go back to it, I tell myself. I can always copy and paste the scene or phrase in later, when it might be appropriate. I've discovered I seldom do so, however, almost always prefering the revision to the original.

Another excellent piece of writing advice handed down to me from one of my favorite editors, from his editor before him. It's the same advice a mother would give to her daughter before her big debut: put on all your jewelry, then start removing them, one by one. when you think you have just the right amount of jewelry, go back to the mirror, take a good long look, and remove one more piece.

I admit, I lay description, analogy, and metaphor on thick. Probably too much. I'd like to tone it down, so that's what I'm working on now, going through my prose, picking out the stuff that works, the stuff that doesn't, and the stuff that even though it does, is just too much. It's painful, because ultimately, writing is such a display of ego. And as my characters develop and adopt egos of their own, I discover my professor wasn't exaggerating - it really is like murder.

reasons

browsing through row upon row of new fiction, i am drawn by alluring covers - a sillouhette of a woman's face, lips parted, another black and white picture of a woman bent over to wash her hair with a hose. i wonder, how can my book compete? what can i hope to offer the reader that these sexy, evocative, and soulful titles can't?

maybe it doesn't matter. i know now why i want to write. i want to create magic, to transport the reader to a world of my imagining. this is also why, try as i might, i can't get away from fantasy fiction. i've tried writing down "straight" story lines, but i can't help it. fantasy weaves its way in. i might as well embrace it.

commercial wars

there's nothing a day-time t.v. addict such as myself enjoys more than a juicy commercial war. there are, of course, the stupid, blatant ones ("better than the other leading brand!"). but the jewels are the clever, witty ones. most recently, the geico-ais war. geico's mascot is the gecko (why he speaks with a brittish accent, i have no idea). recently, ais (auto insurance specialists) ran an ad with the tagline, "a more evolved choice," indicating their web site offers advanced options for "those with opposable thumbs." they show a picture of a gecko eating the aflac duck and a moose (elk? deer? not sure whose maskot that is).

Geico's response: so easy even the caveman can do it. i absolutely love their commercial. a caveman dressed in jeans and a hip sweatshirt is at an airport on one of those moving walkways. he passes a number of billboards, including geico's, depicting a caveman in front of a computer. the camera stops on the the image, and a moment later, the caveman comes walking back, takes a second look at the billboard, nods, and smiles.

paced to norwegian electonic-pop band röyksopp's remind me, the commercial comes off cool, collected, and clever.

temper-pedic mattress

i'm intriged... i hate my mattress. i hate mattresses in general. they wear out too quickly, they aren't exactly enviromental, and, well, i can never afford the really comfortable ones. partly because of all the commercials, i'm intrigued by the temper-pedic, the form-fitting foam. my last experience with a foam pillow was negative - it stank so badly of chemicals i had to get rid of it. the temper-pedic looks pretty comfortable.

but i have to ask... how is it for sex? its not somethign they address in the commercials, obviously, but if you're sinking into the foam... well, you can probably figure out what i'm getting at.

there's a new judge in town...

this season they've messed with some of my court t.v. shows, to which i've become addicted. i don't know why, exactly. many of the cases are repetitive (come on, how many land-lord tenant cases, or "it was a loan, not a gift" cases have i heard?) but i still enjoy watching them. much of it depends on the judge, of course, and the qualities they bring to the show. their interaction with the bailiff, too, is important to the success of the show.

the newest addition is judge maria lopez, former massachusetts supreme court justice who resigned after her conduct in a child molestation case was questioned. with a sultry, husky voice and a hot temper, i can see how she might be a perfect fit for t.v. i see her as judge marilyn milian (of the people's court) taken one step further. lopez is from cuba, milian is from puerto rico. both have brown hair, are in their late 40s/ early 50s, and are tough women. i like milian better - she doens't have a chip on her shoulder like lopez seems to (lopez can be overly aggressive, as if she feel she needs to play the role of the latina judge she's been give), whereas milian seems more compassionate, wittier, and more insightful. of all the judges, i'm most confident in milian's ability to get to the truth, whereas with the others, sometimes i wonder.

judge mathis is "one of the people". he was a juvenile delinquent, but decided to change his life around when his mother developed cancer and he had to help take care of her. he likes to tease people, making fun of them, because ultimately, it's true, coming to t.v. to solve your legal problems is a big joke. i get the feeling he experiences the success of his show with a certain amount of wryness. he also likes to say it like it is, cutting through the crap: "a person who takes a lot of crack is a crack head. what, you think i should mince words or clean it up?" he banters about with doyle, a towring, kind of goofy looking, young red-headed sheriff, who seems almost the perfect foil for mathis's hard hitting cracks. in one episode, the defendent is a hypnotherapist who claims to have made a woman in her thirties experience her first orgasm. "oh i've done that too," jokes doyle with his goofy grin (coming from anyone else it would have been crass). mathis is probably the most entertaining of the lot, and out of all of them, he makes me laugh. he puts people on the spot, helping them realize the stupidity of their ways by joking with them or teasing them, instead of lecturing them, something most of the other judges revel in.

milian, too, has a young bailiff, douglas, a tall, black man who's usually very quiet but will occassionally break into a quick grin.

judge joe brown (of texas justice) is much more of a gentleman. i get the feeling that he's a hard core republican, though he takes issues of people's sometimes bizzare and shocking alternative lifestyles gracefully in stride. he's not as interesting to watch, though he has a certain dignity. not surprisingly, he usually has a female bailiff. it used to be "miss holly", a short-haired blond in her thirties. this season it's someone new - dark haired, thin lipped - and i don't know her name (yet).

i don't like judge judy - she's a witch! she's quick to judge people and is very disdainful and snooty. occassionally she impresses me, but over all, i find myself talking back to her. "well, you dismissed his entire testimony withot even letting him finish!" or, "no, his testimony does make sense, you just didn't pay attention to what he was trying to tell you!" watching her frequently makes me either sad, because i don't see justice meted out, or just annoyed at her grating manner.

there's also judge alex, who is so incredibly boring i don't even bother with him. and "an eye for an eye", which is a little more creative - people undergo some sort of embarrasement or discomfort to make up for what they have done, rather than receiving a monetary settlement. for instance, two ladies who accused the other's cat of peeing on their car's upholstry, when neither's case could be proven, were ordered to go througha car wash together... in the end they had a good laugh through their shared misery and their friendship was restored.

judge hatchett can be fun - she's very compassionate, and her big motto is "think of the children!" she frequently sends kids out of the courtroom so they don't have to experience the unpleasantries that testimony can frequently result in. she used to be a family court judge, hearing custody, divorce hearings, or cases of parent vs. child, but since then she's expanded into all kinds of small claims.

then, of course, there's divorce court, which used to be heard by judge mabeleane ephram, but i think she has her own show now, and its lynn toler, who has a spicy attitude just like ephram had, but there's something about toler that i like better. she seems warmer, and is willing to depricate herself to make a point. in a case where a man wanted to leave his wife because she had gained 140 pounds, toler offered an anecdote: one day she was getting out of her car when she happened to look down at her thigh and noticed how big it was. she asked her husband, "honey, have i always been this big?" and her husband told her with a kiss and a smile, "you were big when i met you and you're bigger now, but i still love you." her point, the husband seeing weaknesses in his wife when he should have been looking for the weakness inside himself.

as you might imagine, i could happily watch court t.v. all day. of course, the first show, judge maria lopez, doesn's start until 10 am. but with the reintroduction of perry mason, one of my favorite shows since i was a girl, my 9-10 am block is set! i think ive probably seen most of them, at this point, but i still like watching them. and yes, i know they're fiction!

kitties

much as i like to complain about them, i adore my kitties. there are few things more heartwarming and adorable as a bundle of sleeping cats.

must. be. productive!!

or not.

i have to say, the episode entitled "Mr. F" in season 3 of Arrested Development (nicknamed "AD" in our household)is one of the most brilliant moments in t.v. and comedy. it had me literally holding my sides with laughter, not just on the first watching, but on the second as well (and alcohol was only involved in one of the viewings). i admit when i started watching the season i was a little dissappointed - it was slow to get off the ground. but i remember now that's the genius of the show. it takes a while to set itself up and then *kaching*! it cashes in all the jokes. Mr F was one of those payoff episodes. theres so much double meaning and so many puns that aren't cliche, but are so artfully executed. the whole bit with the japanese business men and tiny town was just pure gold (this part, of course, is why i loved the episode so much).

that's all. too bad it's canceled. sigh. well, genius is frequently misudnerstood in its time!